Thursday, September 2, 2010

It's Our Destiny!!!

In the spring I had to rent a car for a business trip.  This is the one I ended up with.  As I opened the door and got into the car, I got a shiver up and down my spine.  You know the type - the shiver when you think someone is following you or you hear a strange noise outside and you are home alone.  The type of creepy feeling that something nasty is around.  I shook off the feeling as being silly and started up the car and drove to my conference a few hours away.  The car smelled too - sorta like the smell you would imagine if you accidentally entered a violent crime scene - or if you got too close to someone who didn't shower in awhile!! 

I really didn't think too much of it - I just assumed that it wasn't cleaned out properly after the last person who drove it.

When it was time to return, the weather was nasty and I decided to use the navigation system to help get me around the city that I was not familiar with.  I was going to use a previous destination near to the town where I was headed as only a fool would put in their actual home address.  Imagine my surprise when this address (in yellow) popped up:

Leaping Lizards Batman!!!  It's Lurch and Bertha's address!!!!!!!!  For all the world to see!!  Of all the cars that I could have gotten, I ended up with this one.  Now I understood why it smelled and possibly even why it had such bad karma.  Which brings me to my point.....

Lurch used to point out so many 'coincidences' similar to this one - there seemed to be hundreds.  I saw a couple of coincidences, but Lurch seemed to find them everywhere.  Somehow we would be reading the same book, watching the same TV show,  going to the same store, buying the same horse stuff:  the list goes on and on.  I would mention something and he would tell me that he was doing/buyng/reading/watching it as well - AT THE SAME TIME.  I now believe he made most of them up.  Why you might ask?   Well he used to tell me that it meant we were connected/soulmates (excuse me while I puke - LOL) - it was our destiny and these were signs from 'above' that we were meant to be together forever.  Isn't that romantic??? 

(He also claimed we had the same Dr./ dentist /we did tons of the same things at the same time in our past etc...Oh please - I don't even have that much in common with my own brother!)

What he really means:   I'm going to tell you this bullshit because it sounds so romantic and I hope you will fall for it and put out. 

If he really meant it he would have:  see previous posts.  A real man doesn't need signs from above.  He takes care of business FIRST and doesn't lie. 

BTW - how do I know it is Lurch and Bertha's address???  Because Lurch drew a detailed map for me to get to his house............... 

Never trust a guy who doesn't back up his words with concrete actions.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

A Piece of the Puzzle

Mystery solved!

For the longest time I could not figure this one out. Today I got my answer. And it's a doozy!

A little background:
Way in the beginning, I told Lurch that men who smoked did not interest me in the slightest. Lurch smoked - heavily. So after Lurch informed me that "I was the only one for him" he also declared that he was going to quit smoking. In fact, his exact words were "I would be a complete idiot if I were to lose out on a chance to be with you because of a stupid habit like smoking."  I did not think much of it and assumed that he would do nothing. After all, Bertha smokes heavily as well.

Well, lo and behold, several months later Lurch informed me that he went to the doctor (same as mine!!) and got a prescription for Chantix. Shock!!! No awe. He went through the whole program and declared himself to be smoke free. Then he did one of his usual 'it would never work' stunts right after that.  I thought it was very odd that he would go through all that effort to quit smoking to increase his chances of being able to date me (he had been smoking for 30+ years) and then just disappear.  I did not hear from him for a couple of weeks when he once again contaced me and declared that he loved me more than anything and could not live without me and missed talking to me.  He claimed that the side effects of the drug made him crazy.  What a stupid excuse. I knew there was more to it. Something or someone was motivating him.  He even claimed to have started exercising.

Of course, he came in and out of my life for nearly a year after that, always bragging about quitting smoking (I did it for you so we can be together forever!!  HAHAHAHAHA) while Bertha continued to puff away. One time I asked him how Bertha felt about him quitting and he told me that she was a selfish bitch and did not support him quitting. He said that *she would frequently blow smoke in his face to get him to start smoking again and that she always smoked when they were in a vehicle together even though he asked her not to. Nice. As you can see, Lurch loves to play the sympathy card.

*Good example of passive/aggressive behavior.   Based on Bertha's behavior with me, it's probably true.

Anyway, I knew that he did not do it for me. If he had, he would have gotten a divorce.  Immediately. (That is how you know a guy is serious and not just looking for a POA).

So, today I found out some interesting info. I was back in my old location (I am filling in temporarily for one of my prior colleagues while he has surgery**) and catching up on the local news at lunch when the subject of quitting smoking came up, which included a discussion of Lurch's last wife, Matilda. The one that Lurch says that Bertha fears. The one whose father lives on and owns the property where Lurch and Bertha live and who conveniently visits her father all the time.   A roll in the hay while Bertha is out??  Who knows......

It turns out that Matilda stopped smoking at the same time that Lurch did!!! Coincidence? I don't think so. Matilda now has an admin position where she travels to the same job sites that Lurch does. Coincidence? I don't think so. Matilda started smoking again because she started to gain weight.  Lurch had told me on many occasions that he can't stand fat women.  Lurch and Matilda have also been seen having lunches together frequently as well. Rumors abound.  Interesting stuff.  Since Lurch and Matilda started out as an affair at work (yup, Lurch was married to yet another woman - Gertrude) before they got married, it is a situation with which they are both familiar and comfortable.  And I do know for a fact they are in touch regularly - Lurch frequently forwarded joke emails to me that he got from Matilda.

So now I know the real reason that Lurch stopped smoking and for whom he stopped. I wonder if he started smoking again too?  I hope so.

On a side note:  I have a bet with someone about how Lurch is going to handle having me being back in his group temporarily.  I am positive I will win.

**In this economy, I am going to help out where I am needed and have prior experience.  I am not going to let some slimy POS stop me from doing my job.  I may have been down and out a couple of years ago when Lurch tried to take advantage of my situation, but I am back to my old self again.