Thursday, February 4, 2010

A Piece of the Puzzle

Mystery solved!

For the longest time I could not figure this one out. Today I got my answer. And it's a doozy!

A little background:
Way in the beginning, I told Lurch that men who smoked did not interest me in the slightest. Lurch smoked - heavily. So after Lurch informed me that "I was the only one for him" he also declared that he was going to quit smoking. In fact, his exact words were "I would be a complete idiot if I were to lose out on a chance to be with you because of a stupid habit like smoking."  I did not think much of it and assumed that he would do nothing. After all, Bertha smokes heavily as well.

Well, lo and behold, several months later Lurch informed me that he went to the doctor (same as mine!!) and got a prescription for Chantix. Shock!!! No awe. He went through the whole program and declared himself to be smoke free. Then he did one of his usual 'it would never work' stunts right after that.  I thought it was very odd that he would go through all that effort to quit smoking to increase his chances of being able to date me (he had been smoking for 30+ years) and then just disappear.  I did not hear from him for a couple of weeks when he once again contaced me and declared that he loved me more than anything and could not live without me and missed talking to me.  He claimed that the side effects of the drug made him crazy.  What a stupid excuse. I knew there was more to it. Something or someone was motivating him.  He even claimed to have started exercising.

Of course, he came in and out of my life for nearly a year after that, always bragging about quitting smoking (I did it for you so we can be together forever!!  HAHAHAHAHA) while Bertha continued to puff away. One time I asked him how Bertha felt about him quitting and he told me that she was a selfish bitch and did not support him quitting. He said that *she would frequently blow smoke in his face to get him to start smoking again and that she always smoked when they were in a vehicle together even though he asked her not to. Nice. As you can see, Lurch loves to play the sympathy card.

*Good example of passive/aggressive behavior.   Based on Bertha's behavior with me, it's probably true.

Anyway, I knew that he did not do it for me. If he had, he would have gotten a divorce.  Immediately. (That is how you know a guy is serious and not just looking for a POA).

So, today I found out some interesting info. I was back in my old location (I am filling in temporarily for one of my prior colleagues while he has surgery**) and catching up on the local news at lunch when the subject of quitting smoking came up, which included a discussion of Lurch's last wife, Matilda. The one that Lurch says that Bertha fears. The one whose father lives on and owns the property where Lurch and Bertha live and who conveniently visits her father all the time.   A roll in the hay while Bertha is out??  Who knows......

It turns out that Matilda stopped smoking at the same time that Lurch did!!! Coincidence? I don't think so. Matilda now has an admin position where she travels to the same job sites that Lurch does. Coincidence? I don't think so. Matilda started smoking again because she started to gain weight.  Lurch had told me on many occasions that he can't stand fat women.  Lurch and Matilda have also been seen having lunches together frequently as well. Rumors abound.  Interesting stuff.  Since Lurch and Matilda started out as an affair at work (yup, Lurch was married to yet another woman - Gertrude) before they got married, it is a situation with which they are both familiar and comfortable.  And I do know for a fact they are in touch regularly - Lurch frequently forwarded joke emails to me that he got from Matilda.

So now I know the real reason that Lurch stopped smoking and for whom he stopped. I wonder if he started smoking again too?  I hope so.

On a side note:  I have a bet with someone about how Lurch is going to handle having me being back in his group temporarily.  I am positive I will win.

**In this economy, I am going to help out where I am needed and have prior experience.  I am not going to let some slimy POS stop me from doing my job.  I may have been down and out a couple of years ago when Lurch tried to take advantage of my situation, but I am back to my old self again.


  1. Is Bertha and Lurch still to gether? They do sound like their made for each other.

  2. They are made for each other. I have no clue if they are still together, but I would guess they are. She is desperate for a man to support her and he doesn't want to pay her off to get rid of her. And as long as she is putting out, he will tolerate her. He told me that he would f**k her and imagine that he was f**king someone else. Works out perfectly.
    What do they call women who put out for something in $exchange$?????