Exaggerations

Of all the thousands of text messages that Lurch sent me, this is the most bizarre: "Probe length 7-8 in fully ext. Dia: 1.5 est. Insertion depth: variable. Sensitivity:environmentally dep. Excitation: chemical."

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This would be worthy of being posted on WWHM!! First of all, does he really think I would have sex with him based upon his penis size??? Not in a million years..............

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Second of all, if you give dimensions, they damn well better be accurate. No matter if my hand is wrapped around a straw or a double stuffed burrito, the distance between my thumb and pinkie when extended is EXACTLY 7". My thumb to the first knuckle is 1" and my pinkie to the first knuckle is 3/4".(I do a lot of home improvement projects and don't always have a regular ruler handy) I can measure nearly any cylinder and be accurate within 1/8". Note to Lurch- get rid of your fisherman's ruler.

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Third - Lurch believes that size is the most important characteristic of a penis. Newsflash: if a woman is given the choice between a large cucumber that is mushy and gets you wet as soon as you touch it or one that is not quite as large but is very firm and stays that way as long as SHE wants, the second one will win everytime. Note to Lurch - don't use a marshmallow to get in the door - it can't get in and just makes a sticky mess for the door owner to clean up - so I have been told.